After Twist
by Crzysquirrelgal
Summary: It's been years since Cas died in T&S, and Dean finds out that the love of his life might not be dead after all... Or maybe it's all in his head, he's not really sure.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural in any way, or the very very painfully fantastic fanfiction Twist and Shout. Wish I did, though.**

* * *

Dean rolled out of his bed- Not his bed, it was a motel bed, he reminded himself. He couldn't... Couldn't be in his house today. He looked at the calendar and closed his eyes, images of Cas burning behind his eyelids.

It had been four years since he lost Cas.

It felt like it was only yesterday. He could remember it so clearly. It hurt to remember.

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, going to the books he'd gotten from the local library and left on the dining table the night before. Books on creatures Dean thought didn't exist. Demons, ghouls, vampires, that sort of thing. He figured a bit of fantasy, a bit of unrealistic creatures would take his mind off the date. His mind off of Cas.

He read a particular bit about Demons. About Deals. Get anything you want for the price of your soul. Dean figured, if Demons were real, he could bring Cas back.

God, he wanted Cas back.

He went to a graveyard first. Not just any graveyard, no. _The_ graveyard. He went to Cas's grave, falling to his knees and pressing his lips to the soft grass.

"I love you, Cas." He murmured into the grass, it felt faintly like soft wisps of hair for a moment. Like Castiels soft hair. He shook himself out of his thoughts and then pulled a glass jar, taking a bit of dirt from Castiels grave.

You wouldn't want to know how he acquired the black cats bone.

He pulled out a small tin box as he walked toward a crossroads near Sam and Jessica's house, putting the black cats bone, the graveyard dirt, and a Polaroid photo of himself in the tin, then looked up and realized he was at the crossroads. Now or never, he told himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean dropped to his knees, only just now realizing there were tears streaming down his face. He dug his fingernails into the hard ground until he made a shallow hole, placing the tin box inside, covering the tin with dirt.

He stood up, realizing that his fingers were bleeding from digging into the ground barehanded. He couldn't feel it. He could see the brown/red of his blood mingling with the dirt on his fingers, but he couldn't feel the pain. Dean was in a haze.

He didn't expect anything to happen, not really.

Thats why he flinches when someone appears in front of his face.

"Dean Winchester, am I right?" The brunette asked, looking over Dean. Dean nodded softly.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" He asked, feeling uncomfortable under her gaze, thoughts of Castiel running through his head. Of the last of Cas's body heat clinging to desperately to him. The woman didn't answer, she just smirked.

"So, Winchester, what're you here for? Money, revenge, knowledge?" She asked, running a finger over Dean's chest, making him take a step away.

"For Cas. I want him back. The way he was. Healthy." Dean breathed out, wiping the tears off his face, looking at her. "Can you do it? My soul, for Cas?" He asked, taking a shuddering breath.

"Honey, I can do anything." She said, her smirk growing, licking her lips.

"I'll have ten years, right?" He asked, looking at her. The book said ten years, but he needed to be sure.

"Yes, thats right, ten years." She smiled, approaching him. "Cas back, ten years." She said, not noticing the man appear behind her, until she felt a hand on the back of her head. Dean closed his eyes, heard a scream, then opened his eyes again. A man stood over her body, an emotionless expression on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean stared at the man, and the man looked up from the woman, staring back at Dean.

"Hello. I am Samandriel, and I'm an Angel of The Lord." He said, staring at Dean still.

"Angel...? Angels don't exist!" Dean said, looking away from the man. Away from Samandriel. images of Cas playing through Dean's head. _First, Demon's exist, now Angels too?_ Dean thought to himself.

"Obviously, they do. Or I wouldn't be standing here." Samandriel said, sounding confused by Dean's disbelief of Angels.

"Okay, fine, say Angels do exist, which they don't, why would one stop me from selling my soul?" Dean asked, looking down to the brunette's body. The Demon's body. He looked back up to Samandriel.

"Because I was ordered to by my Superiors." Samandriel said as if it explained everything. Dean sighed.

"And why did your Superiors want to stop me?" Dean asked, missing Cas, thinking of the beach as he waited for an answer. He just wanted Cas back, was that so much to ask? Dean didn't think so.

"I do not know, and it is not my place to question them." Samandriel said, his voice monotone.

"Then get someone who knows, damnit!" Dean growled, tired of this _Samandriel_ and his answers that didn't answer anything.

"Sorry, I can't do that." Samandriel said.

"Why no-" Dean was cut off by wings fluttering and Samandriel disappearing, leaving Dean with tears running down his face, ready to kill that goddamned _Angel_ who couldn't help him get Cas back. Couldn't even tell him _why_ he couldn't have Cas back. Dean would go to another crossroads. Find another Demon, and make a deal. He wanted Cas back more than life itself. More than the ocean, more than the waves, more than the air in his lungs, more than the earth, more than the universe. No one could possibly want anything as much as he wanted Cas back, and he _would_ get Cas back. Even if it killed him.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean walked down the road, his only thoughts were getting Cas back. He couldn't remember where the next crossroads was, so he just walked, thinking of the beach. Thinking of Cas's last day. Of the flatline that signaled the love of his life was gone.

It was a few hours later that Dean found another crossroads, dusk was starting to fall and banket Dean in darkness. He buried the tin box in the center of the crossroads and sat on the ground and waited, and after around two minutes, a Demon appeared and Dean stood.

"Cas. I want Cas back and ten years with him." Dean said to the raven haired demon who looked too much like Cas for Dean to be comfortable.

And again, an Angel appeared and smote the Demon.

"Why? Can I at least know why I can't have Cas back?" Dean asked, his voice desperate, and choked. He was close to crying again.

"Because he is an Angel." The woman said, not introducing herself in any way.

"What? Can I see him? Please?" Dean asked, lighting up with hope. The woman shook her head softly, her dark locks of hair falling cascading in front of her face, and with the sound of wings fluttering, she was gone.

Dean screamed to the sky. "You douchebags! Give me Cas back!" Dean cried out to the sky, and he screamed and screamed for hours until his voice was hoarse and he tired himself out. He sat on the side of the road and put his head in his hands, his eyes puffy as he started falling asleep just as hints of dawn started to appear.

"Castiel." Dean whispered as he drifted toward unconciousness. He didn't see the dark figure standing down the road, watching him, golden specks of morning light streaking over the persons face, and as Dean drifted away from the conscious world, the person disappeared, a small sad smile on their face.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean awoke in mid-day, standing and scratching his head, looking around and realizing he didn't get back to his motel room the night before. He groaned and walked down the road, rubbing his face and his eyes, he didn't know when he arrived at Cas's grave, but he did, sitting down next to the grave, pressing his lips to the gravestone.

"Cas, please. Come home to me." He whispered against the cold stone. He ran his fingers through the grass and a tear slid slowly down his face and dropped onto the ground. A note fluttered down next to Dean, the handwriting elegant.

'Don't cry. Please.'

Dean stared at the note, picking it up, folding it and putting it in his pocket. He wondered who left the note, since Cas's handwriting was usually a messy scrawl, and he hadn't heard any wings. He sighed and laid down, breathing in and out slowly, more tears leaking fronm his eyes, and he quickly wiped them away and stood up.

"Please, Cas, c'mon. I came home to you, remember? Please come home to me. Please... I'll be back. See you then." He whispered, turning and walking away, a figure watching Dean as he walked out of the cemetery.

* * *

Dean arrived at his motel room, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it on his bed, walking to the small dining table that held the books he'd gotten from the library. He collected them and stuffed them in a bag, walking out the door and walking over to his bike, smiling softly at it and getting on, starting her up and revving the engine.

"Never get tired of that." He hummed at the purr of the engine and kicked up the kickstand, going toward the library and arriving there in a few short minutes, looking over the library building as he shut off his sleek black bike and got off, stuffing the key in his pocket. He returned the books and walked through the library, looking for more books on the supernatural, and thats when he saw a raven haired man walk out of the library and he quickly followed.

"Cas? Cas!" Dean yelled, catching the mans arm, and he turned, looking at Dean, confused.

"Sorry, I thought you were someone else..." Dean apologized and walked back into the library, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

He walked back through the library, finding a book on Angels, picking it up, setting it down, sighing.

* * *

Dean had gone through a diner and gotten food, then headed back to the motel room, sitting at the table and taking a bite of his burger before finding it unappetizing and setting it down, laying on the bed and closing his eyes.

"Cas, please, I need you. If there was ever a time to come to me, it's now." Dean said, then heard wings fluttering and he opened his eyes, his eyes widening in surprise at the sight that awaited him.


	6. Chapter 6

"Cas..." Dean trailed off, sitting up and then standing, staring at Cas, finding the strikingly blue eyes staring back at him.

"Cas?" Dean asked, looking over him, from his raven black hair to his shoes. He was wearing a suit underneath a trenchcoat with a tie that matched his eyes. Dean's heart quickened. Cas was here. He looked exactly the same. Dean went to pull him into a hug, and his arms went... Through him, and he faded away. Goddamnit, he wasn't real.

Dean choked back a sob and went to the small kitchen, pulling out a bottle of vodka, and a bottle of rum, going back to the bed and laying down, uncapping the bottle of vodka and tipping it to meet his lips, chugging it greedily, moaning slightly at the burn of it down his throat. Tears slipped out of the corners of his eyes, and it had nothing to do with the nonstop burn of alcohol going down his throat, slipping down and filling his mostly empty stomach.

He pulled bottle away from his lips and set it on the bedside table, capping it and closing his eyes, sighing. He felt worse- More empty- than he did when he got back from Vietnam. He felt himself slip into unconsciousness.

* * *

Dean woke up some time during the night, the vodka effectively slept off, leaving a dull ache in Dean's head and he groaned, sitting up and checking the clock. '3:22 AM' It read. Dean fell back onto the bed and closed his eyes, rubbing his hands off his face, little snippits of his dream coming back to him. Him and Cas, at the beach. God, he missed Cas even more, if that was even possible. You would think he would've begun to move on in the years Cas had been... Gone. Dean didn't like the word 'Dead', it seemed to permanent to him. But he wouldn't move on. Cas waited ten years- Ten years!- without failing to believe that Dean would come home to him, Dean would do the same.

Dean drifted back out of the conscious world, tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable. Though, he was never able to get comfortable. He only knew comfort in Castiel's arms.

* * *

Dean slept on and off, finally waking and staying awake at 8 AM, pulling himself out of bed and collecting his things, stuffing them in his bag and walking out, giving the key to the door back and going to his motorcycle, getting onto it and starting it. He closed his eyes at the rumble and purr of the engine, opening his eyes. He swore that for a second, for just a second, he saw Cas.

He shook his head lightly and took off. He wouldn't go home. He wouldn't.

He drove aimlessly, finding himself heading toward the beach, and he growled at himself, turning around and going to the nearest diner, his eyes red and puffy, he slid into a seat, ordering pancakes with bacon and black coffee. He rested his hands in his head, his elbows on the table, and he didn't notice the trench coated man sitting across the diner, watching him with sad eyes that said he wanted to go home.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean quickly finished his meal and looked around the diner. The trench coated man was gone. Dean never saw him. Dean paid and left, heading toward Sam's house, as he promised he'd watch Abigail while they went out. He didn't mind watching her. It took his mind off Cas.

He took a turn on the way there, to the cemetery. He parked his bike and went into it, looking up and seeing a certain trench coated man. His back was to Dean, and Dean approached quietly, reaching out and taking the man's hand.

"Cas." Dean breathed, and Castiel turned around, his fingers still intertwined with Dean's.

"Dean..." Cas trailed off, tears brimming his eyes as he looked at Dean. He slowly pulled his hand away from Dean, taking a step back.

"I can't... _We_ can't..." Cas said. If Angels didn't feel, then why did Cas feel like crying?

"Cas... Why not?" Dean asked, looking at Castiel, and Cas was close to breaking point.

With a flutter of wings, he was gone, leaving Dean alone next to his once-upon-a-time grave.

Dean swore loudly, screamed out blashemy, and kicked Cas's gravestone(And then apologized for doing it, but that wasn't the point).

* * *

Dean arrived at Sam's and Jess' place a few minutes late. Jessica looked good. Light blue summer dress, hair pinned back and curled more than usual. Not that Dean noticed, his brain was buzzing too loudly with Cas's words. _I can't... _We_ can't..._ Goddamnit, what even did he mean by that?

"...Dean? Are you even listening?" Sam said, waving his hand in front of Dean's face.

"Yeah, yeah, don't let Abigail into your room, no cookies for at least two hours before dinner, don't leave her alone outside. I've been doing this for years, Sammy. It's cool. Go, have fun." Dean said, waving his hand dismissively. Sam rolled his eyes, leaned down, planted a kiss on the top of Abigail's head and walked out the door.

"We'll be back around 9:00 tonight." Jessica said, leaning down and giving Abigail a hug and a kiss on the top of her head, then following Sam out the door.

Dean sighed and smiled at Abigail, picking her up and swinging her through the air, making her giggle and squeal. Dean's mind was still buzzing with thoughts of Cas, and he tried not to think of it, god he tried, but he couldn't stop thinking about Cas.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N **

**I'm so, so sorry for the wait! My computer didn't have internet and I forgot about the story for a while, but, I'm back! I'll try to be updating more xx **

Time passed fast, Abigail keeping herself occupied with several different kinds of toys, Dean watching her, and even the time flying by, it wasn't enough to keep his mind off Cas. When Sam and Jess got home, a half hour early, Dean got up and greeted them, Sam smiled.

"Thanks for watching her, Dean." Jessica said, putting her hand on his shoulder as she recognized the haunted look in his eyes. He smiled, as always, and shook his head.

"Don't thank me. Abby's an angel-" Dean started, and stopped like he'd been punched in the gut. Thankfully, neither had noticed, and Dean sighed softly.

"Well, it's time for me to be gettin' home." Dean says, hints of sadness in his voice.

"Are you sure you won't stay the night?" Jessica and Sam ask at the same time, both thinking the same thing- It's too close to.. _That_ date for him to be going anywhere alone.

"I'm fine, guys, really. I'll see ya in a few days." Dean smiled and picked up his stuff, and Jessica gave Dean a hug, with Abigail darting over to him and hugging his leg.

"Bye un'ca Dee!" She exclaimed, and smiled, leaning down and hugging her. Dean then stood up, and Jessica picked her small, yet rapidly growing, child up.

"See ya, Sammy." Dean said, giving his brother a short hug, as he always did. Sam nodded as Dean walked out of the door.

"See ya." Sam said back. Dean got onto his bike, turning the key and revving the engine, trying to convince himself all of what had happened the past week was a lie, a hallucination, but he couldn't be imagining that, could he? His mind isn't that cruel. He went back to the motel to gather the last of his things, putting them in his bag, not noticing the flap of wings, or the man in the corner. The last thing he grabbed was a photo of Cas, sitting on the bedside, smiling with Dean's arms wrapped around him. Dean walked out of the motel, returning the key, securing his bag shut and strapping it to his bike, driving off, back home.

Dean arrived home, parking his bike, and grabbing his bag, walking through the door and was immediately knocked out cold, his bag clattering to the floor. When he woke, he was in a room he didn't recognize, tied to a cold steel chair.

"You shouldn't mettle in the Angels affairs." A woman said, the same woman who had told Dean what Cas was.

"Who are you?" Dean asked, getting a chuckle in reply.

"What does it matter who I am? In the end, either you or Castiel, maybe both, will be dead anyway. That's just the way it is." She said, and walked up to Dean, wrapping her fingers around his throat, squeezing. Dean began to choke, jerking his head away, or attempting to, anyway.

"He's happier without you. You just remind him of the past, bring him pain that Angels aren't supposed to feel." Her words stung Dean, and he slumped, with her hand still at his throat, preventing him from breathing. He didn't care. He welcomed death.

"No!" A voice roared behind her, ripping her away just as Dean lost consciousness.


End file.
